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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2009|05:33 pm]
I've been dumped for the 2nd time in my life. It's the first time I've actually cared about being dumped. He blind-sided me. Fuck him.
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Aren't you lonely? [Jan. 3rd, 2009|07:22 am]
Well sure, I'm lonely. Lonely as hell but not for just anybody, any body. No, it's a loneliness for someone who understands. Someone who gets it, who gets me, who I get. I'm not looking for something impossible. It's happened before, it just wasn't quite right (timing, person?), but it'll happen again I know it will and this time it'll be right, not perfect, just right. Finding that person that just clicks into place, it's not impossible. I've seen it happen, I've seen "soul mates", I've seen true love. It exists and it's beautiful and I will not settle for less in my life for that will lead to unhappiness.
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This year I resolve [Dec. 31st, 2008|09:41 am]
to be happy.
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Dreaming [Dec. 15th, 2008|08:55 am]
I keep dreaming
Of his eyes and smile
They skid across my thoughts
And I almost say his name
Like a woman in ecstasy
The feeling explodes
And I'm just waiting
For him to take me home
Into his arms where I belong
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Good God, it's been a long time since i wrote in this [Dec. 4th, 2008|09:27 am]
So much has changed and yet it hasn't. Here I go again, venturing again into MA. Why you ask? I don't really know except that I don't want to stay here in PA any longer and I don't know where else to go. Yeah, I have some new friendships growing in MA, that will be helpful with weathering the storm that is that place. I'm just hoping things will turn out well. My brain says no, my heart says yes. Who knows which will be right but as with the rest of my life it'll probably turn out to be a mixed pot. A stew of good, bad, love, indifference, drama and boredom. I have a close eye on one guy. He's in a relationship now but the more I get to know him the more he totally intrigues me, heart and mind. He's only been with his girlfriend a few months so I'm just kind of waiting to see what happens there. I honestly hope that they're very happy together and I wouldn't make a move while they're together, but if it doesn't work out I'm so calling dibs on this guy. Although I really should just forget about him as anything more than a friend because I already know it's going to start a shit ton of drama if we ever end up getting together. We'll see how I feel when I get back.
Other than that there's nothing to really say. I'm finally done with the whole being in love with Mike thing finally. It's a relief, and part of the reason I need to get the fuck out of here. The tide of feelings has finally turned away from him and I'm too afraid of letting it go back. My friends here are awesome it's just not the close friendships I used to have. I feel like there's nothing left for me here, so I go.

I've faced my monster now I go
On feeling right and confident
cautious and anxious
to the next battle ground,
where I hope for no battles
but homecoming, love and acceptance.
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The processing is finally done [Dec. 7th, 2007|07:51 pm]
So yeah. The last few days it feels like my brain is finally functioning at full capacity again. It's almost like when a computer has some kind of program running in the background sucking up all the memory, then that program is done and suddenly your computer is fast again. That's what my brain feels like, and it seems that the background program has been going for a couple years now. It's a wonderful thing. Maybe I'm finally ready for the full on mental agility contests and wars of mind fucking. That would be much fun. If only my traditional partner in my games wasn't working like 60 hours a week and to exhausted to keep up. Hopefully that'll be done in a couple weeks. I find myself hoping TJ comes back to stay so we have someone to play with. Such evilness I know, but so much fucking fun. And it's never TOO evil, we usually just try to open his mind up a little.
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I need to rant [Nov. 7th, 2007|11:01 am]
Ok, so dating fucking SUCKS. Wait, actually, trying to meet people to date, fucking SUCKS. There's this one guy that works day shift at my cvs, kinda cute, seems really sweet ... was trying to see if he might be datable. He's into skinny chics. That is number 3 in the last few months that I was pre - rejected by, right off the bat, cause I'm too fat. WTF! Why are all of these guys so god damned superficial. Are there any available guys left that don't mind a little meat on a girls bones? I've been told I have a pretty face, I have big tits, I'm not badly proportioned... I'm just thick. Is that so bad? Does that automatically make me ugly? I'm not even all that big!
I'm just lonely, and bored, and lonely. I'd love a relationship but just someone to have some fun with would be great. It's been long enough since I left my ex. I'm ready for something new and exciting. Does anyone know any decent, non-superficial, available men in the area?
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Well, guess I'll give an update [Oct. 29th, 2007|09:24 am]
Hey all... guess i'll do a random update.
So yeah, things didn't work out with that fuck buddy which kind of sucks. It started going down the kyle road for those of you who remember that story, so I had to end it before it got out of control. I should no better than to try to use distractions against this love in my heart. It's such a pain in the ass.

I went to ritual last night. It was really nice. I got to make a wish (for the witch's new year) and jump over a tiny bonfire. Well it seems the wish already seems to be working. That's all I'll really say about that though.

Looking forward to the halloween party this saturday. should be a good time. Unfortunately the one person I wanted to get drunk with isn't coming. Oh well, I'll have other chances.

Something is about to change. I can feel it. It'll be good, but I'm still scared.

I really want to go out and do something fun tonight. It is mischief night after all. We should be having a masquerade. Hopefully I'll have my own place this time next year and we'll have the 4th (sorta would-be annual but with a break) mischief night masquerade.

That's about all that's on my mind. My life is very boring right now.
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Yeah, I guess I'll post here [Oct. 9th, 2007|08:44 am]
So life is pretty humdrum and boring right now except that I got myself an excellent new friend... with benefits :D He's really cute with some of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They're like the blue-green color of the ocean in the tropics. We're both just like "hey, not really interested in the whole relationship thing... but sex would be wonderful" so yeah, it works. I don't think it would work long term anyway. Even though he's a really nice intelligent guy I just don't see myself with someone like him that long. He's a little too anal and it seems like while we're in very similar places in our lives we're not really on the same wave length. Close enough for a friend and we have fun hanging out even when we're not in the bedroom, maybe even a romance if it came to that, but not someone i can see falling in love with. well, not falling for enough to make it worth setting aside some other interests i have. But he is really really hot and AMAZING in bed. The only real problem with this whole thing is he lives in NJ and is a good hour away, so I don't get to see very much of him. I'm really hoping he'll come by again really soon though. I can't seem to stop thinking about sex.
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(no subject) [Sep. 1st, 2007|08:13 am]
Is anyone in the chester co. area looking for or willing to take a cute little kitty cat? Her name is Angel, a sweet and adorable little thing with tortiose shell markings. I'd rather it be a foster home till I get my own place but I realize I may have to part with her, but I want it at least to be someone I know. She isn't doing well with the other cat in the house but it seems like a tempermant difference issue. She's a young, playful cat while the other cat is a old lazy cat that's not having any of it but too lazy/stupid to try to defend herself from the playful pounces and the other cat also has no cat manners. So my little Angel ends up locked in a small little room most of the time and it's really not fair to her. We've been trying to make it work here but it's become apparent that my roommates just don't ever want the cat in the rest of the house unattended. She is also driving everyone nuts because if someone isn't in the room with her she makes a racket by shaking the door. She's generally a sweetheart but can be a little rambunctious (she's much calmer when she gets to run around anyway). She responds best to a lot of TLC and is very nice as long as you treat her right and she knows she can trust you. She's good with the litter box and a good eater (not finicky at all). She isn't fixed yet but we're going to fix that soon. She has her claws and I don't want her being de-clawed. She doesn't scratch much and when she does she has never done damage to anything but a few punctures in a leather couch. Generally she likes to scratch things like the carpet on the floor, not high up anyway and really only digs into things, never scraps. I do have to warn you she doesn't seem to do well with change sometimes and may be a little grumpy at first to the person that takes her, but will warm up in a short time with love and kindness. She's best being an only cat but I think she would do well with another cat of equal temperment. If you have any questions please respond or email me. Pass the word along. I don't mind a friend of a friend arrangement, I just don't want her gone and lost forever.
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